I stopped writing for a while…

Didn’t really know what brought the hiatus, until now.
I realised I was searching, for what I want in my life *right now*.
By right now, I mean the me on the way to big things: my acting and writing career, my traveling, my home, my Range…

The me that wakes up and has to switch off the alarm, and shower and find clean underwear and a decent outift that I haven’t repeated soon enough to be remebered.

In this search I realised I have placed myself within noise.
Never giving myself a chance to breathe…
Wine to dull my thoughts, an office to occupy myself with, a character in a theatre show to lose myself in, a number of clubs to let myself go in, lips I may or may not remember touching with my own…

Asking this question: what do I want right now?
But not giving myself the room to let my brain simmer and hand me the answer.

So, woke up slightly hung over. Feeling a pull to go home-home. Far from the city, home cooked meals, my day one teddy to cuddle.

I took Eat Pray Love with me. Deciding to read the woman’s words again. Find a way to hear myself.

And so I did.

I asked. And the divinity in me answered:

With that word I saw what I meant with this word. A letting go of all the things I was searching for outside of me.

And a holding on to myself.

A centering.
                               -Nonjabulo Kandawire 


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